For the past week or so I have been thinking about relationships and romance more than normal. Today I kind of reached an interesting understanding, or came to an interesting observation is more like it. In today’s society we are conditioned to think that grand gestures displaying our emotions are the ones that mean something and are valid. Think about how most people seem to think an enormous wedding is the way to go, lavish and expensive gifts are what anniversaries and Valentine’s Day are made of, or that unless someone specifically says “I love you,” then they don’t.
I blame movies and television shows. Much like I blame them for most of our society’s problems, I blame then on our ridiculous definitions and representations of love and romance. Think about any romantic movie you have ever seen. There is usually not subtle ways that people show their affection towards their love interest. Most people are raised with their television as a third, or sometimes first, parent. We are taught to value that god forsaken box as spoonfuls of unrealistic ideas and idols are crammed into our mouths until those unrealistic ideas are now what we expect as the norm.
While feeling like you may not be special to your significant other because they didn’t organize a candle lit dinner, buy you flowers, or write you a nine page sonnet on how you make them whole, maybe you should look at the small things. In my opinion, the small, everyday things are really the big things. If someone can show you can special they think you are or how much they love you when they don’t mean to or think to, that is real love.
A good majority of the people I have been with only show their love and appreciation when they are “suppose to”. Valentine’s Day, our anniversary (if we lasted that long), Sweetest Day, when they think I want them to, when the did something wrong, or are trying to convince me to do something, ect, ect. Only one person I have ever been with constantly does things to make their feelings known on any given day at any moment and not because they are trying to get something or think it is required. Most of these actions come as second nature, actions that are done on auto-pilot while one thinks of something else or is doing something else. They are not done because of a Hallmark Holiday, or because society says that it was needed to be done.
The smallest look, the gentle kiss on the nose, the pulling you closer as you sleep, even the random surprise gift expensive or home made, these are all constant representations of love and care that are being overlooked because society has trained us to believe if it wasn’t done big, expensive, and elaborate then they don’t really love or care about you.
I feel many relationships crumble due to this. I truly believe if we all took the time to step back and notice all the unnoticeable we would all be a lot happier in our relationships. Romantic or just friendly.
Romance isn’t just flowers or candles. Romance, at least to me, is showing how you feel about someone. Making them feel special. Making them feel like they are wanted in your life. Making them feel like they bring you happiness. Romance is found even in the small gesture of grabbing someone’s hand while walking through the grocery store. Kissing the person upon first waking up. Brushing their hair out of their eye for them. Cooking them dinner.
Romance isn’t about the show, the performance. It is about the genuine feeling. It is very simple, easy, and sometimes thoughtless to buy someone a gift to make them feel special, but showing someone in the actions that may come as second nature that you care about them can only happen if you truly feel that way.